:: Corporate Whores and Beer-Sodden Fools ::

"I'm sorry to announce that the 21.25 service to Sevenoaks has been delayed due to a drunken passenger"

Lured by the promise of free booze and pork pies, most of my company were herded into the newly refurbished ground floor of the office at 5.30pm yesterday. The sting in the tail was the dreaded company presentation, outlining our progress during the past year. This ideal opportunity to play Bullshit Bingo was mercifully short due to the absence of one of the directors and I managed to consume a goodly few glasses of vino over the 2 hour period. A little merry, but certainly not drunk, I wended my way to the station full of plans for some TV viewing and an early night. Hmmmph. Woke up as the train was pulling into Crofton Park at 8.30pm. Needless to say, I was somewhat peeved at missing my stop due to over-sleeping (would you believe there's a word for this in Russian? It's zaspatsya in case you're interested). No train back the other way for half an hour, but at least I was less far out than last time (Grove Park) and didn't have to rely on a nightbus. At Peckham Rye, I heard the above quotation over the tannoy, accompanied by titters on platform one. Gulping with relief that I wasn't the culprit, I was approached by a rude bwoy in the typical Sarf London mode. I quaked a little in my Onitsuka Tigers, but he was only coming over to ask if I'd heard the same as him...

When I finally did make it home, I spent a while playing text tennis with Pasha, arranging for him to pick us up from the airport when we arrive in St Petersburg. My only error was then to call my Dad with the news. I think he noticed my minor inebriation.

Starting with a quotation is a bit of a Hypatia thing to do, so I thought I might continue this theme into my next item. She and I both have a penchant for Slash Fan Fiction. These usually pander to the (often) sexual desires of the author by letting their idols (footballer, musicians, film stars etc.) act out their fantasies. This can range from the deeply perverted to the simperingly sweet. This article maintains that all Slash should involve two characters of the same sex. Not sure I agree about that, but titles such as "Welcome to Bisexuality, Captain Kirk" give the general idea. A word of warning: SOME OF THESE SITES VERGE ON BEING "NOT SAFE FOR WORK" - certainly some of their banner and pop-up ads are dubious. Imagine my delight, therefore, when I discovered a site dedicated to stories about Roy Orbison Wrapped In Cling Film. This is what the internet was invented for. Even now, I can picture Ulrich Haarbürste sitting at his computer, quoting me old mate, Percy Bysshe Shelley: "Look upon my works, ye Mighty, and despair!". Doubtless, Barry Manilow was so distracted by this wayward genius's work that he walked into a wall and broke his nose.

Finally plug for the month's best club night, tomorrow. Antipodean bootleg whizkid, dsico will be putting in a special appreance: