:: Belated Eurovisual Hell ::

Yesterday was a bit of a mare at work. I got back after the bank holiday to find that some arse had overwritten parts of a database and eradicated 3 days' work. Perhaps they should hire people from here to work at my firm. Highly un-PC, I know, but I'm sure they'd do a better job than some of the mongs I work with. Add to that a period of frantic retrieval from Friday's archived files and a two and three-quarter hour sales presentation and all my time at the office flew by (not necessarily a bad thing). I left work exhausted, irritated and exasperated at blogger's refusal to upload my meagre offerings.

The net result of this fiasco is a feast of (slightly overripe) links to whet the palate - that eagerly awaited (boy, am I flattering myself today) concoction of news, views and ritual abuse.

On the :: Home Front ::, the good news is that granny's visit passed off without mishap (although I spent the latter part of the day dying for a fag). Consolidating the recent Alan Titchmarsh style assault on the garden, I've now planted spinach, potatoes and beans and readied the patio for a barbecue. My compost heap is overflowing - oh, I think I may have stumbled across a new euphemism there. Prize for the best explanation...

As far as the :: PopTart :: section is concerned, it would be difficult to avoid mentioning the UK's disasterous/hysterical performance at Eurovision. Here's a lovely picture of Jemini to make the mouth water:

Actually, it seems to be Chris Cromby's eyes that are watering in this picture. Perhaps he's going for recognition in Viz's Rear Entry competition. On a more serious front, I found it interesting that all the top three entries this year were not elected via a voting system in their respective countries. If we want to win this dubious musical honour, we should scrap the Song For Europe and have a surprise entry chosen by a cabal consisting of Terry Wogan, Brian Sewell, Bernard Cribbins, Maureen Lipman and Dame Judy Dench. The pop charts demonstrate that singles buyers now have an average age of 9 and that the bland over-produced TV Talent/Karaoke shows have poisoned us with their fecal outpourings. At least the oom-pah Austrian entry had stuffed animals on stage...

In what is becoming a regular feature, the :: Outrage at Prudes and Boneheads :: spews its usual gutful of invective: scoffing at clueless Americans (who better to do this than Stephen Fry?). It has also been brought to my attention that the fantastic posters for Six Feet Under have been banned following complaints. Both Ananova and the Beeb picked up on this, which is pertinent given the rumours today that the BBC1 has been forced to withdraw its latest ident/advert. It features a woman hanging over a cliff. If you haven't seen it you probably won't get to now...

And now, specially for Hypatia, a picture of some revels (for my comment on her recent predicament, roll your cursor over the image):

In the :: America is Actually Quite Scary :: section, I reveal that Bush's administration veers ever closer to the Nazi paradigm. Also McDonald's is planning to sue an Italian food critic for criticising their (abject) food. And once again I was reminded that people have some pretty strange ideas about the best way to fuck up their children. I imagine naming the poor mite Kakinston or Mykynzie would be a big boost to his/her confidence.

The :: And Hilarity Ensues :: section is propped up by the sub's headline opportunity of a lifetime: when a bull invaded a china shop (sort of). And also by the knowledge that whatever they're selling, only the Japanese can be this "creative". My funny bone was also tickled when I discovered this colonic irrigation site (only amusing with sound).

Oh fuck it, I need to get home and go to a rehearsal. Expect the dregs of today's would-be post with tomorrow's mug of arsenic-laced pop-purée...