:: Scraping The Bottom Of The Outbox Barrel (And Other Stories) ::

The final instalment from my email annals is this curious piece from some months back. I had obviously become obsessed by the regular Viz feature in which celebrities are snapped in positions which make it look like they're taking it up the wrong 'un. And by the news that the controversial director Calixto Bieito had caused outrage with scenes of simulated sex and drug taking in A Masked Ball and Don Giovanni at English National Opera.

ROH Ring Cycle Romp
by Flid Squattley
Toffee-nosed opera goers at the Royal Opera House last night were stunned by the hard-core action on stage. The back door antics were captured in this revealing shot sneaked by our under-tuxedo reporter in the front row. During the "climax" to the second act, all three were seen enjoying a cheeky tenor sandwich. Music Director of the ROH, Heironymous Fortesque-Smythe was "amazed" by the candid snap: "the last thing we want here is to promote an air of elitism. Opera is not merely the preserve of pooves and the upper classes." We're not sure about the pooves sir, but teaching people to enjoy a quick one without being noticed is certainly a "public service". Perhaps it should be renamed "Covert Hard-on".

My regular round-up of links begins with this interesting article. It appears the White House Spin Machine has never been so brazen. Doubtless the impending Hollywood version will skip over some of the details explained here - any complaints regarding the accuracy of events depicted in that film should be reported to the excellent Movie Mistakes site (49 mistakes spotted so far in X-Men 2!). And if we needed any more proof that Dubya's cronies are not human, here's a picture of Donald Rumsfeld which proves he's a cyborg mutant. C'mon! Just look at the extended Inspector Gadget arm and the over-sized hand ready to swat any nearby dissenters...

In the now customary :: Bizarre Sex Story Of The Day :: section, we I present you with this touching tale. It's about a swan in Germany which has fallen in love with a swan-shaped pedalo boat. Regular PB readers will share my glee at the use of the penultimate word in the last sentence. The rest of you will have to consult the Urban Dictionary site where most of this popbitch-styled linguo-cack ends up (although I don't think that particular one has appeared yet). Cf. Belinda, GYAC, Flid, a2m etc. For a more serious resource examining the origins of common phrases and idioms, I would recommend this site.

If you're at work, don't read this last sentence: this game will distract you. Wait till the boss has a day off. If on the other hand, you happen to be in desperate need of distraction, set up your own blog. It's very easy, I promise. Just don't forget to link it to mine...