:: Everything Must Go! ::

Erm, yes. Got into work to discover that not only was I about to finish my latest project (deadline a week tomorrow - looking at too many websites at work? - Pah!), but that my boss is away this afternoon and tomorrow. He's given me a hilariously small number of tasks to complete before Tuesday morning, so normal blog service is resumed for the time being.

One advantage of finishing things off earlier than expected was that I managed to deal adequately with my burgeoning inbox. For several days, I've been receiving ominous warnings about exceeding my email storage capacity etc. I also trawled through a whole load of stuff I sent out in happier, less overworked times. I'll present the cream of the crop over the next few days.

To start us off, when I was helping out with a production of Chekhov's Three Sisters, a friend emailed me to ask what the plot was. I embellished the story a bit to see if he could be persuaded to come. In the end he didn't...

Masha, Irina and Olga are three lesbitarian Russian sisters who live in the country, serve large helpings of hairy pie to members of the local community and dream of moving to Moscow, where they grew up.

On discovering that their brother, Andrei, is about to marry Natasha, the 19th century Russian equivalent of a page 3 girl, they all gasp with pleasure at the newfound domestic possibilities.

Masha is married to a boring old schoolteacher, Kulygin, whose sole pleasure involves some slick manoeuvres with a novelty snuff-box. Olga and Irina (though she is smitten with a well-meaning but ugly army officer) hark on about Moscow whilst pissing into the samovar to poison the houseguests.

Anfisa the maid witnesses these tame watersports and "dives in", livening the atmosphere somewhat by simultaneously performing a double fisting and warbling the Volga boat song.

Andrei and the other men begin to suspect that all is not right in the house, especially when his wife embarks on an affair with a local councillor, Protopopov, who is never seen on stage.

Masha falls in love with another officer stationed in the town, Vershinin. well-meaning and broadminded, he introduces her to the concepts of glory holes and bukkake.

Three burning questions remain for the exhausted sisters:

Is Natasha's bit on the side really a woman?
Did the steam from the samovar do any damage?
Is the seemingly unreachable Moscow a metaphor for Lesbotic Elysium?

Find out in next week's installment

Even the prospect of hot Russian lesbian action à la t.A.T.u. couldn't persuade this colleague to watch the play. Which brings me on to the saddest news of the day... The Sapphic Slavic popstrels have had to cancel their gigs and their management is now apparently being sued. Hilariously, they are alleged to have demanded 300 school-uniformed girls under the age of sixteen to appear at each performance...maybe there's something suspicious about t.A.T.u's management team.

I'm not saying anything, but this old gag from the archives might have soemthing to do with it:

- The makers of Adobe Acrobat are in trouble under child sex laws...
...they are accused of creating too many pdf. files

Time to check out the Brass Eye DVD again, "before this quadrospazzed loony wrongcocks another helpless kiddie..."

Oh, and it's this again tonight: