:: R & R Required ::

So having got home last Saturday morning, I spent the whole day sorting out a new mobile/tracing numbers and then went to a house-cooling do (they were moving out on Monday). I left home at 9am on Sunday to see my Mum on her birthday and got back at 10pm before heading straight back to work on Monday. Since then I've tried to catch up on my work (petfoods is so interesting), been to 2 Twelfth Night rehearsals and acquired a streaming cold. No wonder I didn't feel up to going to bAsTaRd last night. It's the first time in at least 8 months that Tigger and I haven't gone. We shall be returning next month with a vengeance. Tonight, fortified by mega-decongestants from Boots, I'm heading for drinks with Popsicle and supper with La Gribouilleuse. I shall spend most of the rest of the weekend attending to the following domesticities:

• The kitchen is in a complete disarray as no-one appears to have done any washing up in my absence. Quelle surprise!
• My room is still somewhat disorganised - although I have unpacked my cases, their contents haven't necessarily found their homes on shelves and in cupboards. Mostly they adorn my floor.
• The garden has gone from being unkempt to overgrown since I went away. I must do some weeding to retrieve the spinach and runner beans.
• We need a new lightbulb in the lounge. I'm fed up with the improvised candlesticks solution. Attempting to learn my lines by candlelight is hardly "romantic".

There's probably more, but I can't be arsed to elaborate, so hears a rundown of the things I came across whilst trawling the interweb today, starting with the obligatory b3ta pic:

This reminds me of a late-night contest in CLAREification towers - college satirical rag - to coin new jokes along the same lines ("I went on holiday with my wife to Indonesia"|"Jakarta?"|"No, it was her choice" etc). My contribution was as follows:

- My wife's one on holiday to a tropical island.
- Seychelles?
- Shells.

Those were the days, eh? Maybe we need a talent contest to find a better joke-writer. How lucky I am, then, to have discovered this fount of self-promotion - is this indicative of web-democracy at its best, or a reflection of our taste for watching others make fools of themselves in the search for "fame"? Big Brother contestants beware - desperation is not a surefire means of obtaining long-term popularity.

It would appear that the charvers are on the loose again. After a pikey/carver hiatus of late, I think we might be in for a resurgence of councilness. How anyone can inflict the name Xyron on their child is beyond me.

I was concerned to read the following today on Popbitch:

So Barry from Eastenders is in the new Carry On film
It sounds awful .... "Carry On London will also feature Danniella Westbrook in a Barbara Windsor-style role. It is the 32nd film in the series of comedies and the first since Carry On Columbus in 1992. Graham Norton, Dale Winton and Burt Reynolds will also make appearances in the movie, set to start filming at Pinewood Studios next year. It tells the tale of a limousine firm hired to take celebs to The Herberts - the British equivalent of The Oscars."
chelseabun, 13:22 4/7

No, no, no, no, no! When will silly film producers understand that the much maligned Carry On genre retained its charm (until the mid seventies at least) by virtue of Kenneth Williams, Sid James, Hattie Jaques et al. Babs would do well to steer well clear of this misguided venture, which will surely end up as a faded anachronistic pastiche of the original format.

Another day, another rant. I've got to go, but before I do, I must award the headline of the day prize to the New York Times for A Monotonic Cyborg Learns to Say 'Pantsuit'.

Double arf!