:: Sneaker Wars ::

Oh how Dr Rufus will be pissed off. Not only am I full of non-admiration for his latest objects of shoe-lust, but I have invested in a pair of Ripstop Mostros with a Combat-green/Day-glo orange colourway. Ubiquitous as this modern classic may be, I can only report that they're as comfortable as pie and don't make my foot look like I've just trodden on a Pokemon character. Thankfully I'm not the only Sock Dart loather - a fellow peruser of the goodly Doctor's blog was similarly scathing. "Charles", I salute your honesty.

Another feud with a friend has bubbled beneath this week's activities. Whilst regaling Jude with the account of my time in the Lakes, I mentioned that I'd visited Holker Hall. With barely a raised eyebrow, the little tart commented that the correct pronunciation was "hooker". So I mined the interweb for information on the quirks of English names. Lord Worcestercleucch's factsheet (his surname is apparently pronounced WUSS-tur-cloo) did not concur with my this, settling on HAW-ker as the authentic pronunciation. Jude's reponse was an immediate e-missive to the perfidious peer. We have yet to receive a reply, but the chaps at Crocus appear to agree with him. This incident reminded me of my favourite sort of limerick, where the rhyming words are changed at the end of each line to match an incongruously irregular one. Here is a fine example:

A youth called Cholmondeley Colquhoun
Kept a pet, a hairy babolquhoun.
Said his mother: "Now, Cholmondeley,
Is it really so colmondeley
to feed your babolquhoun with a spolquhoun?"

That may only elicit a mild chortle, but I can assure you that Tigger and I have laughed heartily at least twice this week. on Tuesday, we went to a recording of Jeremy Hardy Speaks To The Nation and then on Wednesday, we witnessed the sublime Flight of the Conchords. Never before have I witnessed such an authentic rendition of Jamaican Dance-Hall from two strapping Kiwis and a couple of acoustic guitars. Book now if you can get hold of tickets...

Proper News this week? Anyone comparing my cyber offerings with those of Taxloss, will have guessed which of us is the heavyweight political commentator. So I'm simply going to bemoan the Guardian's ridiculous revisionist stance on a Renaissance masterpiece. Haven't these people ever heard of posing? Who in their right mind would assume that the model for Michaelangelo's David always stood in that way. It seems fairly plain to me that the slightly twisted down-on-one-hip stance is designed to show off his impressive six-pack... and to distract the eager on-looker form his disappointingly proportioned manhood.

At the other end of the scale, Super Size Me is released today in the UK. And it's already inspired at least one super-size spoof. But seriously, it seems that quick, healthy food can be hard to find, even in London. Thank God, then, for Leon - a haven of fresh, tasty grub at reasonable prices. All within spitting distance of Oxford Street. I suggest you head there now...

And finally, if you at a loss for things to do over the weekend (forecast to be rainy and miserable), you could watch the Advert Channel or play tmwfa Top Trumps. Just watch out for flying shit.