:: Kill All Musicals ::

Yay! A hat trick of blog posts.

In my cyber absence, I accumulated a wealth of links which never quite formed posts. For your "pleasure", I now collate a series of these into a piece of backdated web-floss...

Last month, I was gratified to read an article in the Independent about the decline of the Musical. You might think that a singing thesp of my dramatic hue might revel in the razzmatazz of a hand-waving, leg-kicking full-on show. How far could you be from the truth? Since the obligatory study of Andrew Lloyd-Webber's execrable Cats for GCSE Music, I have been wary of the genre to say the least. I have never been one for enforced jollity, a policy exuberantly espoused by the majority of productions. And that's where the problem lies: The Production of even a well-written cleverly constructed piece of musical drama is a very difficult thing. In amateur productions, the spectre of karaoke is never far away, even when the cast are able and the show is a good'un. "Snob!" you cry. Perhaps, but the prospect of hearing/seeing Surbiton Women's Institute warble through Aspects of Love can only be appealing to the aural masochists amongst us. And it's even worse when you know someone in the cast...

To get back to the topic, I was recently approached by the director of my theatre group's production of Return To The Forbidden Planet. Seasoned Devukha-perusers might remember my gripes about stage-managing this show last December, but the director obviously hasn't twigged. The reason I dropped out of performing was my total horror at the bodged-up campery it would entail. Her words to me: "I've written a part for you in my new musical Lysistrata. It's broadly based on Aristophanes' play, mixed with pop songs from the 70s and 80s." My heart sank and my stomach lurched. Being a master of tact and diplomacy, I managed to avoid contorting my face to reflect the gymnastic feats of my vital organs, but didn't have the balls to refuse her immediately. No doubt I shall update readers of my progress in this matter - any advice would be appreciated, as would offers of accommodation in far-flung climes for the duration of the production next summer.

In my book, the only bearable musicals are:

  • Cabaret - punchy, edgy and sexy. This needs a good production to be watchable, but the fact that the singing is well-integrated into the plot doesn't lead to uncomfortable transitions (see notes below on The Sound Of Music).
  • Oliver - strictly for the kids, really, but there's still a soft spot for Lionels Bart's classic in my glitz-hardened heart.
  • West Side Story - Only the film. The idea of a British production with bad accents and appalling singing is barfalicious.
  • The Sound of Music - See above. Must only be watched on Boxing Day. Is only worth watching for the supremely surreal moment where the Mother Superior gazes out of the window and bursts into "Climb Every Mountain".
  • City of Angels - For nostalgic reasons, to be frank (was in it at College). The jazz score's better than most...
  • The Rocky Horror Show - if that counts.

Any comments gratefully received...