:: Lording It Up ::

I had a delightful experience yesterday: Red Snapper was back in town and this was my last chance to see her before she returns to New Zealand. Suited up, I arrived at her rather exclusive hotel and we caught up over cocktails in the bar. She looks better than I've seen her in ages: trim, relaxed and vaguely glowing. As I sipped on a rather fabulous Negroni, who should we see sidle by but the new Doctor Who. As his name had irritatingly escaped us both, conversation soon returned to our recent life histories, and I must admit that the Snapper's has been rather more interesting than mine of late. Running bars in Mexico and surfing in Fiji were highlights on her itinerary before she settled in her current antipodean location and became a diving instructor. My paltry dramatic exploits seemed seedy by comparison and presently we adjourned to the Conservatory for dinner.

Thanks to Red Snapper's generosity, I was not forced to eat merely merely soup. A fabulous fois gras terrine was surrounded by a Morel pâté and slightly al dente celeriac. Reminiscent of the several occasions when she and I ordered confit of duck at Grumbles without even perusing the menu, we both plumped for the venerable mallard - neither of us was disappointed. All this was washed down with a delectable Chablis. The service was impeccable - unquestioningly polite, almost instantaneous, yet utterly unintrusive. My companion repeated her mantra that this place was for her "Forever England". I scarcely think Rupert Brooke will be turning in his grave at that quotation.

Talking of poetry, here's an amusing little ditty I shall be reciting on Friday:

Veneer
Peter Thomas

The woman at work’s husband works in veneer,
Says he lies on their sun-bed drinking cold beer.
Since Ikea’s “Norman Conquest” he’s tightened his belt
And he lost a few pounds in the process she felt,
But his PA is plain so there’s nothing to fear.
Yes, the woman at works husband works in veneer.

The woman at work’s husband works in veneer,
Says her daughter’s a stunner – says “You really should see ‘er”
And when she leaves school, she’ll work in television –
Or failing that, she'll become a beautician.
“But,” she said, “looks aren’t everything, you know, my dear!”
Yes, the woman at work’s husband works in veneer.

The woman at work’s husband works in veneer,
Says she’s having her hair done by a man called Pierre,
And had I seen the new chap in the office called Giles?
A dishy young graduate archiving files.
And she’s off to a health farm over New Year.
Yes, the woman at work’s husband works in veneer.

The woman at work’s husband works in veneer.
She confessed for a while that she’d thought it was queer:
“So many pretty girls in the office; well bar three”
And I'm single! A good-looking fella like me...
“Oh, and men!” She exclaimed, “All they do is leer.”
Yes the woman at work’s husband works in veneer.

The woman at work’s husband works in veneer,
Says they’re off for three weeks in the sun soon – here, here!
And off also to powder her nose she must fly,
So with her copy of Hello! she waved me goodbye,
And she glanced in the window of my office door,
I guess to check up on the make-up she wore.
And her husband works in veneer, so she said:
Making cheap bits of chipboard look expensive instead.

Made me laugh, anyway... That's it, I'm off to have a go at toothing...