:: Twelve Things To Do On A Dreary Wednesday ::

1) Find out how stuff works.

2) Eat your weight in popcorn. This story intrigued me for several reasons. By how much would this increase the man's weight? Does he have some kind of excretion mechanism or isn't he allowed to go until the last kernel has been munched? I'm hoping for his sake that plain popcorn is being used. The prospect of being surrounded by popcorn of the greasy salted or sticky toffee variety fills me with horror.

3) You could always try writing the wrong way round in Taiwan, just for the adrenalin rush of behaving illicitly. It's interesting that they cite incompatibility of character and numeral systems as the reason for this change in the law. Arabic is an example of a script which has quite happily adopted to reading right-to-left with numerals from left to right.

4) In preparation for the summer getaway, you ought to get some practice in. Learn how to run your own balearic resort.

5) Some songs have lyrics which are unforgettable once heard. I read this article about the best lyrics, evah. Needless to say, I forgot the first line of the winning song almost instantaneously. Some thing about werewolves in Soho? See if you can do any better.

6) Delve into the world of corporate desperation. It seems both Pepsi and Coca-Cola are set to launch lo-carb cola drinks in the US. This is an obvious response to Atkins-induced lo-carb madness in a hugely mature market. How many more gallons of heavily sweetened fizzy water can each American consume? Not many, which explains why the big players are looking towards brand extensions and "value-added" lines to boost their flagging sales. An interesting aside, some scientists believe over-consumption of the cheap high-fructose corn syrup prevalent in US soft drinks (in Europe, ordinary sugar - sucrose - is used) is potentially harmful.

7) At a loose end? Maybe doing work experience in Germany might perk you up a bit.

8) Get on your high horse and protest at Disney's attempted censorship of Michael Moore.

9) Budding astronomers can compare their pics of last night's lunar eclipse.

10) We've all had enough of those pictures of Leslie Grantham. So perhaps you could find out more about his on-screen son. Visit a Nigel Harman fansite today!

11) Render your body hairless with a few of these products. Top gossip: I had my eyebrows waxed on Monday.

12) "Among all adults ages 45 to 64, the rate increased by 355 percent, to about 0.4 percent of that population." Something strange about that piece of analysis? Well, it's cited in this contrived piece of statistical manipulation. Fox News' scare tactics or a real cause for concern? Adults smoking jazz cigarettes will overrun the world! Perhaps you can explain to me why this is groundbreaking news...

Whoops! Did a couple of serious ones get through there? No political hat on today, but it appears even Colin Powell is sick of working for monkeys...



Whack my bonobo!